Hi y'all! After a blog sabbatical, I've returned for my quarter year post (sad face, I know). But SUMMER, HELLO! I tend to write on topics which align with my life's focus at the time, so here we go...
Today it's self worth and taking a closer look at self-love. We're undergoing a Western societal shift whereby the unattainable, unrealistic ideals of the past are being challenged by new ideologies and a championing of diversity. ALL HAIL!
Think: the ongoing positive conversations on mental health, brands showing that 'big is beautiful' (FINALLY), and Vitiligo beauty, Winnie Harlow being name-dropped in Drizzy Drake's, Signs. With this, I wanted to explore what was going on during this transition, and how we can look at our own self-worth with some tools to boost it! It can be tough knowing what we truly feel or value. 'I', should be a priority, because if we don't appreciate or accept ourselves, no one else will... (well, maybe our mums, because they think even our sh*ts smell like lavender).
(follow @poemstothecity for more daily real-talk in poetry form)
I'm currently assessing life choices and noticing the people I spend most time with, thus, with any move going forward I want to ensure it's authentically me and not what I think I should do...
Here's What Can Feed or Influence Our Self-love:
Societal climate - self acceptance is rising in value, but monitor what's polluting your mental space. You may still be struggling with previous norms and unrealistic expectations that you've now projected onto yourself.
Self acceptance - how much do you accept yourself for who you are now, instead of focusing on who you want to be? We should learn to love our present states above a person who doesn't exist yet.. the media can tend to muddy this.
Content consumption - yeah, so media consumption; what do you consume on a daily basis that could set standards for 'self' overtime? Monitor the small nuggets you consume, as they can build unhealthy ideals that develop our inner value systems.
Body image example: 'you're not okay as you are'. We should question; "why not? who are you to say?" Take all external messaging with a pinch of salt and keep referring back to authentic values.
Expectations - we can often set this insanely high, informed by our childhood, our parents' ideals, our schools, institutions and again, the media. Future goals are good but don't drown in them. Stay objective about future expectations - we can often form a rosey picture in our heads, assume and get attached before we have any idea of the things to come, and when things don't work out, fall hard. The same goes for expectations of ourselves... Watch how much 'pressure to change' you place on yourself. You're alive now and you're doing great now!
Friendship circles - who's good for you? Who makes you feel great/who makes you feel pants? Who gives you light and love? Hang with them, and if there are none now, network and find new ones! Eventbrite and MeetUp around your interests, or Couchsurf on travels. Your vibe is determined by your tribe.
1. Map your thoughts in personal time
2. How to see how you see yourself (Answer these one day and come back to the analysis the next):
-Describe yourself in 4 words
-What parts of yourself are you most proud of?
-What do you most dislike about yourself?
-How would friends describe you?
-How would your mum describe you?
-What would 80 year-old you say to you now? i.e life advice
Analysis:
Are your answers more positive or negative?
Are they more superficial qualities?
Which were the hardest to answer?
How do the 3 people descriptions match or differ, and why?
Did reflecting back on them make you feel any kinda way?
What will you do with this insight now?
3. Outline the worst that could happen. It's never that bad and may likely be rooted in negative self chat. Unlearn this - with every bad thought, throw in a positive affirmation.
Some other tips for upping self esteem from ---> Mind.
(lovely work, as per, by @gemmacorrell)
A Note on Which Inner Voice to Listen to:
Over the years, I've recognised 3million voices swirling around inside me. I've always found it tricky to establish which ones are useful; which ones will benefit what I need now or in future. Aside from that, it's hard to identify which come from the heart's desires, the analytical mind or the gut's sense of knowing. My experience has noted that:
- Mental Voices: are plagued by high expectations, negatively-skewed aspirations or societal pressures - aka. 'be in this area of work', 'do that to succeed', 'be this type of beautiful' - these guys are noisy, frantic and NEVER shut up!
- Heart Voices: are softer, kinder and come from a lovely, innocent place - possibly quite naive, but still cute. They are playful and often compete with the mental voices.
- Gut voices: have been a strong force; they're wise, deep-centered, and are generally un-ignorable. They don't speak loudly or want attention, they are slow, long, sustained hum, and more physical in potency.
With this, I've started waking up (when my mind is the most refreshed and susceptible to reflection) and sit with myself for a while... With the clearer space, I'm most aware of the thoughts bobbing around before the world has 'had at it'. I vow to start normalising this, then breathing and monitoring only this just after, then saying 3 things I'm grateful for everyday. I'm adamant this will improve my ability to distinguish between the shitty/interchangeable voices, and thus enable me make better decisions that connect to my subconscious world.
If you're examining your relationship, how others affect you or what people bring to your life right now, Simplify's podcast episode: Marriage is Dead, Long Live Marriage is SUPER. Social Psychology professor, Eli Finkel references Maslow's hierarchy of human needs, and states that today, marriage is focused on 'self-actualization needs – the idea that we want to live an authentic life and have a sense of meaning and purpose in a way that aligns with who we really are. And those are the things we’re looking for...these days.'
So what do you love about yourself and who are you, really?
My Final Quote:
"Stop for a while (AM is the best). Listen to the quality of thoughts. Tell the crap ones to F' off. Follow the resilient ones, take time for yourself, connect with people who love you. REPEAT."
